The Monster (I Am) A Modern Day Frankenstein


The monster

Just after the nasty assault, I became the Monster.  That’s how I felt.  On the outside, I played sweet music, the confident, happy-go-lucky, successful guy.  But in reality, on the inside, I felt dirty and disfigured–just like the phantom searching, constantly playing for love.  Unfortunately, I found it in all the wrong places.  Wanting to save the world, I would consistently get used by people whom I allowed to emotionally disfigure me even more. 

Searching for love and acceptance was a vicious cycle that I lived for over forty years.  But it was the werewolf that really caused me shameful and guilty fits.  When he got triggered, imbibed and on the prowl, he’d find another heart to break.  A lot of nice people got hurt over the years.  I’d blame it on the alcohol, compartmentalize it, cut another proverbial notch on the bedpost.  So, imagine living a life playing both the phantom and werewolf.  It was a dark, secret world that caused me great despair for decades.  It was killing me.

In the darkest moment of my life, I garnered the courage to reach out for help. With hard work and a lot of guidance, I am getting better, getting emotionally stronger every day.  I finally realize what a beautiful monster I truly am. It’s a good thing.  I’m getting the help I need to put myself back together again.  I am a re-creation, a modern day Frankenstein.

 The Re-Creation

/Modern Day Frankenstein\

Doc said he’d fix me up.

My hands are attached

Tightly

at the wrists,

Vitamin E works miracles,

there are no permanent scars,

just faint crisscross lines.

No more green skin, either.

It’s pinker now,

and the odor

has gone away.

I am as fresh as an Irish Spring.

And who knew

they’d use stainless screws

for my tired-feet?

They seem a little loose,

but, at least I can walk

through the pain.

I hang my Celtic cross,

a silver chain

hung tightly

on my electrodes,

it’s a bit electrifying..

I now have

one brown eye, one blue.

They both work,

I can cry and

the colors don’t run.

I can see clearly,

the sun,

the moon,

and all the stars

in Heaven,

what a beautiful universe.

And, I know longer

Grunt

those low

guttural noises

like the dunce

they told me I was.

I speak Latin fluently.

Pray, too.

Alleluia.

John Krotec